Our First Year of Marriage // Lessons Learned

December 10, 2016 I married the sweetest soul my heart has ever known. It was a *perfect* winter day. A balmy 14 degrees with the most beautiful, light snow falling softly from the sky as we exited the church following our ceremony. The kind of light snow that doesn't ruin your hair when it lands on it (& as a bride wearing her hair down on her wedding day, this is very important.) There isn't much more you can ask for in a winter wedding...snow!

As I sit here writing this post, I'm thinking back on that day and those beautiful memories that will last a lifetime. The stolen, knowing glances with my groom. Our closest family and friends standing next to us, supporting us. Our dream day that came to life. Only 365 days into our marriage, I don't pretend to know everything - but here are some humbling, valuable lessons we've learned thus far.

1. Marriage isn't hard. (Stay with me on this one) You get asked this question a lot during your first year of marriage - "how are things going? is it hard?" I don't typically go into depth about this when people ask, so I'll share it here. Marriage isn't hard - life is hard. Work. Maintaining relationships and friendships. Upkeep on a home. Committing to your workouts. Making time for yourself to decompress. Finding moments for passion projects. Managing finances. Those things are hard. Those things take up space in your schedule and in your mind. These things can be stressors in our day-to-day life that can in turn, put stress on marriage. I think many people get these confused, thinking the challenge is with your partner and with your marriage, but if we stop to look at what the source of those stressors are, we can get some clarity as to what the real challenge is. 

2. It's not a competition. I'm competitive. My husband is competitive. He's very good at reminding me that we are not in competition with each other. Who took out the trash last time, cleaned the bathroom, cooked dinner, who did more around the house...that doesn't matter. If I'm being real, which I hope to always be on this platform, this is challenging for me. My husband hands down does more than me. Yet I'm somehow always finding ways to make it known when I feel I've done more. I'm still working on this. Thanks for your patience, C. 

3. Time spent together doesn't necessarily mean quality time. I'm kind of cheating on this one, because I realized this soon after we moved in together (about 4 months before our wedding) but it still holds true today. Things change when you move in together. You're used to driving to see each other, making more plans since you're not living in the same space. When you move in with each other, you're together...All.The.Time. However, sitting next to each other on the couch watching TV is not quality time. Me reading in the corner and my husband working in the other is not quality time. We learned quickly that we had to be more intentional about our time. Despite being together more, we had to make it a point to still have those times to connect, talk to each other, keep doing the things we loved to do before we lived in the same space and were so much more easily accessible to each other. 

4. It's okay to take space.  My husband and I both really need and value time spent alone. We both recharge from taking this space. It's not uncommon to have an evening in our house where he heads downstairs and I stay upstairs. For some people this may not be 'normal' but for us, it's necessary. I'm a firm believer in doing the things that fuel your soul, that help you be the best person you can, that help you feel whole. For us, that's time to ourselves. To reflect on our day. To read or write. Or to just simply BE. By honoring the space we both need for ourselves, we're able to be a better partner for each other. 

5. Maintaining other relationships. I often tell people that marriage is the best because you have a built-in best friend. There's nothing better than waking up and your person being right there. Ready to take on the day with you - coffee, a run, adventures in the city. It's so easy to fall into this routine where your time spent is only with each other. Relationships are important to both of us and this year we've really learned that prioritizing that time with friends, siblings, parents, outside of the time we spend just the two of us is crucial. Meaningful connection outside of the two of us is something we believe helps us maintain a strong foundation in our marriage.

A few more:

  • Individual goal setting is just as important as joint goal setting.
  • You have to choose each other, every day.
  • Share and divide responsibilities.
  • Some days you're not going to be a good spouse, and that's okay. 
  • Calmer heads prevail (This is for me...I'm working on it. My Irish flares up too often).
  • You're on the same team. 

{There's so much to share, I may have to do another post at a later date. Would you guys be interested in that?}

Marriage is by far the most substantial thing I've done in life to date, but as one of my older sisters has joked, there is definitely a learning curve. We've learned a lot in these 365 days. We've grown, we've cried, we've laughed and most importantly we've LOVED.

I can't wait to spend the rest of my life learning alongside you, Christopher. I love you. 

"There was nothing worth sharing like the love that let us share our name."

XO, 

Molly 

 

 

Gratitude

grat·i·tude

noun

  1. the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.

I can hardly believe that Thanksgiving is already here. I love this season - a season of thankfulness, gratitude, love. My husband pokes fun at me because I'm THAT person that makes our family go around the table and share what we're thankful for. Every. Single. Thanksgiving. If you're dining with our family, you better come ready to share your gratitude. The sharing time never goes without a few laughs, tears (usually from me) & undeniable joy. 

Gratitude is a staple practice for our family. Starting with my sweet Mom. Last year she gifted my sisters and I our very first 'Gratitude Journals' with specific instructions: each day, write down three things you're grateful for. No matter what kind of day you had, take the time, write down your gratitude. You will always feel better afterwards.

We all know, Mom is always right. But she really hit the nail on the head with this one. She consistently encourages and teaches us to practice gratitude all year, instead of just on Thanksgiving. With that in mind, I want to share some of the things that I've listed throughout the year. Looking back at my lists, some of these things seem so small, insignificant, funny even. That's the beauty in gratitude though. Who says what you can and can't be grateful for? 

I'm Grateful For:

- My sweet husband // We're coming up on 1 year of marriage and my goodness that is CRAZY! { I have a fun post coming up on our first year of marriage - stay tuned! }

- Family // My parents and sisters, who are all truly my best friends. Not everyone has the type of family dynamic as ours. This is a blessing!

- Girlfriends // My people. All who I've been linked to for most of my life and/or most of my adult life. I'm incredibly grateful I've found my people - you hold on tight to that. 

- Our new pup, Wrigley // He has taught me so many humbling lessons. He's still teaching me many more. 

- Coffee // However trivial this may be, it's real. 

- The cold // This is a weird one - but I really am thankful for the cold. It brings people together. It's intimate, it forces more quality time spent connecting over {Irish} coffees, meals, etc. Time spent with loved ones watching the snow fall, sitting by the fire. I love the cold for this reason.

- Sunrises // I found a quote earlier this year: 'sunsets taught me that sometimes beauty only lasts for a few moments - but sunrises showed me that all it takes is patience to experience it all over again.' Wow, did that every change my perspective. 

- My clients // I love working in the business of people. I'm incredibly humbled to work in a career that continuously introduces me to new people that I get to build relationships and even friendships with. How cool is that?

- Books // To constantly have an opportunity to get lost in another world or learn a new lesson... this is never something I take for granted. 

- Small acts of kindness // Snail mail. Flowers on a friends doorstep. Thinking of you texts. 

- Writing // It's freeing. Therapeutic. Humbling to share my voice. 

I obviously didn't share my year's worth of gratitude - but these are some highlights. I encourage everyone to start a gratitude journal. You'll be amazed at how easy it is to find even just ONE thing you're grateful for. Even on the worst days. I'm continuously working on my gratitude & look forward to a life spent practicing it. 

Have a very happy and blessed Thanksgiving. 

XO, 

Molly 

 

 

Nearly 365 days later...

You would be baffled if I told you the number of times I sat down to "create my blog" given that we are nearly at a year later and I am just now hitting PUBLISH. Blogging has always been one of those "that would be fun" ideas I've had. I love to write, I definitely need a creative outlet, I like having ownership of something that's wholeheartedly mine. So why not, right? It sounded like a good idea until I actually sat down to work on it. There was always something more important - cleaning the house, catching up with friends, finishing that book, color-coordinating my closet (yes, this is more important). But eventually, I ran out of excuses...and here we are. 

I'm incredibly grateful for my family and friends who have heard me talk about this infamous blog for the past year without seeing ANY progress or promise that I would actually follow through.

{Side note: this is how you know you have found your people in life. Their questions about my blog were always matched with: "Oh yeah! I'm getting there! Building the site and it's going really well! I'll have something SOON." Only to never have gained any ground. Yet, these people consistently supported the idea and cheered me on. Thank you, you know who you are.} <----- I sound like I'm accepting an Academy Award. 

Anyway, I figured a good first post would be to explain the idea behind this blog & its name. 'The Pretty Now' is a testament to myself. It's my personal pursuit of a pretty mind, heart, body & soul. It's consciously working every day to have kinder thoughts, kinder words, kinder actions, purposeful connections with friends and strangers alike. A commitment to strengthening my body, my mind & pursuing only the things that enrich my soul. 

I'll be using this space to share my NOW. What's in my heart. What's in the oven. What's in my shopping cart. My latest revelations during yoga (& believe me, there are A LOT of them). Lessons learned in marriage. It truly is a space for me. I always said I didn't care if my mom was the only one who read it, as long as I can write and create, I'll be happy. 

So: thanks, Mom, for reading. I love you. 

& if there's anyone else reading along - Hello & Thank you! I hope to connect with you in some way through a post now or in the future. 

XO, 

Molly 

{PS: Bear with me as I work out the kinks of managing a website, Tech is NOT my friend.}